Vanessa Aragon

     When I was in high school, I am not gregarious like the other students and not as ostentatious like them who show off their popularity to gain friends. I don’t really enjoy and seeks the company of others during my high school year because I always prefer being on my own. In most of my classes when we discussed about something and when the teacher would ask us questions, there is always a feeling of being shy and scared to answer whatever the question is. Feelings that keep me from answering the question and would tell me to just keep it to myself. Even though I want to answer, I am afraid of what might happen if my answer is wrong.  I always thought about the aftermath or the result when I’m done answering questions. What if they’re going to laugh at me or scoff at me because my answer is wrong? What if my classmates would criticize or berate me for my choice of words? What if my grammar is wrong? What if they would laugh at my accent because I have a Filipino accent? And, what if my answer is wrong? All of what ifs that I could think about will come up and squelch my confidence to answer the question.

     Because of not participating in class, my teacher notices me and called me purposely to answer her question. At first I was really nervous of why she called me because I’m afraid that if she will ask me a question and if my answer was ambiguous to her and is not clear she would deduct points from my grade. But then because I saw my grade before that day and it was bad it pushed me to answer the question. After I answer the question, I waited for the disrespectful comments and my classmate’s critics but it didn’t happen after all. I was overthinking the results of what I would have done. And all along I was the one who judges myself harshly. In retrospect, I realized that to overcome these demons in my head that says, “what if’s” every time a question is raised I would tell myself, “Ignore it, answer it.” Now, whenever there is a discussion in my class I pushed myself to participate and be involve in the discussion if ever I have an answer to tell.